When you’re younger your parents tell you that you can be whatever you want to be if you work hard enough, but let’s face it, that’s not sure. And when you hear “you can be anything” you don’t think of the amazing possibilities you think about “what if I am nothing” or “what if I fail”. It’s because you know the option is there, you can succeed, but what if you don’t. That’s probably the hardest lesson of life that our parents never want to tell us. You actually can’t be anything you want to be.

I’m currently a senior in college, studying to be a chemical engineer at one of the top engineering school in the world. I won’t actually be graduating in May, I’ll be graduating in December just because this road was not an easy one that I chose. While attending college I learned some about my major, but more about the kind of person I want to be. I can honestly say that I hate college. I hate what college does to students. It turns us into selfish alcoholics that are instagram and money obsessed. School comes first, not our mental, physical, or emotional stress. We throw up before exams because the thought of failure is too hard to bear. We lose friends because we don’t have time to worry about anyone but ourselves. And at the end of the day all we want to do it win, we want to be the best the smartest, we want to see our classmates fail.

The problem with competition though, is no one wins. The more we compete, the less we gain. We gain less friends, we feel more alone, and when you fail you’re demoralized. That’s how we grew up, that’s the way our society works, but I wonder what an outsider would think.

What we do is crazy, how we live is crazy. We want money so we can buy new things, so that people and society will accept us. We want to feel cared for although refuse to do the caring. We want and want and buy and buy for the short lasting moments of happiness. It’s absolutely absurd.

And here I am realizing how upside down the world is. We have more money and things than we ever used to although our youth have the highest depression rates in history. We have more social interactions per day however we feel more alone. We have more access to knowledge however we understand less. And then, even when we realize the problems we think it’s best to buy more and work harder and isolate ourselves more.

I get anxious all the time about what I want to do when I graduate. It’s hard because I’ve lost faith in the world a little bit. I feel like everyone is struggling to find their glasses when they’re just sitting on top of their head. Why don’t people understand that advancement in society is diminishing it rather improving it.

I started this blog as more of an internal reflection. I’m hoping it leads me to finding out more about myself and more about what I want to do with my life. I’m also hoping that maybe it can do the same for you.

On this blog you will find a mix of different things. You’ll find book reviews, recipes, rants about life, as well as events of my life. Comment whatcha think 🙂

And very lastly here are the words that I live by everyday that has an influence in shaping my writing.

“My point, I told Eric, is that I want my work to align with my values. I want to write about what’s important. I want to help change minds. I want, I told Eric, to find a way to encourage a society that emphasizes a little less self-indulgence and a little more kindness to one another and to the planet.” – an excerpt from No Impact Man by Colin Beavan